"Making It Make Sense" (SM) with Dr. Pamela Brewer
ELECTION RECOVERY 2008
ELECTION RECOVERY By Pamela Brewer, MSW, Ph.D., LCSW-C
ELECTION DAY HAS PASSED BUT THE RANGE AND THE INTENSITY OF FEELINGS REMAIN?
THE VOTING IS OVER. BUT HAVE YOUR NERVES SETTLED DOWN? THIS ELECTION IS GUARANTEED TO GO INTO THE HISTORY BOOKS AN AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT; A WOMAN RUNNING FOR VICE-PRESIDENT? ANY WAY YOU SLICE IT - HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE. AND FOR MANY, IT IS A HISTORY THEY NEVER EXPECTED TO UNFOLD WITHIN THEIR LIFETIME.
IN MANY WAYS, THIS ELECTION IS AS MUCH ABOUT THE BACK STORY AS IT IS THE WINNER. NOT VERY FUNNY "JOKES" ABOUT RACE AND GENDER; AGE AND RELIGION HAVE BEEN FRONT PAGE NEWS AND BACK ROOM FODDER FOR MONTHS. IS IT ANY WONDER THAT PASSIONS HAVE RUN HIGH?!
FOR THOSE WHO UP UNTIL NOW SCOFFED AT THE "POWER OF THE INTERNET", THOSE DAYS ARE OVER. PERHAPS, IN WAYS NOT UNDERSTOOD BEFORE, PARENTS AND NON-PARENTS ALIKE UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH LIVES, INCLUDING CHILDREN'S LIVES - CAN BE FOREVER CHANGED BY A "JOKE" , A COMMENT, EVEN A VIDEO THROWN ONTO THE INTERNET BY ANYONE WITH ACCESS.
WHAT YOU CAN DO AS AN INDIVIDUAL
CONSIDER THE WAYS IN WHICH YOU DEAL WITH DISAPPOINTMENT/DISAGREEMENT/ANGER/FEAR DO YOU WITHDRAW? ? WHAT ARE THE RESULTS? DO YOU LASH OUT? WHAT ARE THE RESULTS? DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT HAS MADE YOU ANGRY? THIS IS OFTEN A MISSING STEP FOR BOTH THE YOUNG AND THE OLDER. IT IS ONLY WITH UNDERSTANDING THAT WHICH ANGERS YOU THAT YOU HAVE MANY WHOLE OF EXERCISING HEALTHY CHOICES IN LIFE. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ANGER IN GENERAL? MANY PEOPLE RARELY THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT BEING ANGRY. IS IT A GOOD THING? IS IT A BAD THING? IS IT HEALTHY? IS IT UNHEALTHY? PERHAPS THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE PART OF ANGER IS WHEN ONE ATTEMPTS TO IGNORE IT WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING. WHAT HAVE YOU TAUGHT YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT ANGER? HOW TO UNDERSTAND IT? HOW TO MANAGE IT? (NOT HOW TO SUPPRESS IT IN WAYS THAT ARE UNHEALTHY!)
ATTEMPTS TO SUPPRESS ANGER WITH THE UNHEALTHY PERSPECTIVE THAT IT IS EITHER INVALID OR OVERWHELMING, CAN ULTIMATELY ONLY SERVE TO GROW ANGER IN WAYS THAT ARE NOT USEFUL AND CAN ULTIMATELY, BE HARMFUL. EXAMINE YOUR OWN PREJUDICES (WE ALL HAVE THEM). THE BEST WAY TO DO THIS IS TO TRY TO APPROACH THIS WITH CURIOSITY, RATHER THAN SHAME OR BLAME. HOW DO YOU COME TO HAVE THEM? UPON WHAT DO YOU BASE THEM? HOW DO THEY AFFECT YOU? HOW DO THEY AFFECT THOSE AROUND YOU? HOW DO THEY AFFECT YOUR CHILDREN? HOW DO THEY HELP YOU? HOW DO THEY HURT YOU?
WHAT A PARENT CAN DO
TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT THE ISMS IN SOCIETY. CERTAINLY YOU SHOULD INCLUDE RACISM SEXISM CAN AGEISM BUT THERE ARE MANY OTHER THINGS MANY OTHER ISMS THAT YOU WILL WANT TO TALK WITH YOUR CHILD ABOUT. FIND OUT WHAT YOUR CHILD BELIEVES ABOUT DIFFERENCES - WHICH IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM TELLING YOUR CHILD WHAT HE/SHE BELIEVES ABOUT DIFFERENCES. FIND OUT HOW YOUR CHILD HANDLES DISCORD IN SCHOOL. IS IT DIFFERENT FROM THE WAY IT IS HANDLED AT HOME? PROBLEM SOLVE WAYS TO AGREE TO DISAGREE WITHOUT EXHIBITING SOME OF THE KINDS OF HATRED AND FEAR THAT WE HAVE SEEN DURING THIS CAMPAIGN.
WITH THIS, AS WITH ANY DIFFICULT MOMENT, IF YOU CAN USE IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO REFLECT AND LEARN, AND THUS GROW, EVEN IN THE WORST OF TIMES ... YOU CAN BEGIN TO GROW AND HEAL.
