"Making It Make Sense" (SM) with Dr. Pamela Brewer
ARE YOU IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP...
With Yourself?!
by Pamela Brewer, MSW, Ph.D., LCSW-C
We hear a lot about relationships with others and many times we can lose sight of the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves. There are times when the toxicity of our relationships with others is driven by the toxicity of the relationship with have with ourselves.
How many times do we discover, after ending a negative relationship that we feel better about ourselves when the relationship is over? How many times have you heard the sigh of relief when the relationship is over; the new lease on life, the joy, and the lightness of "being out of that one!"
When you are in a toxic relationship with yourself - as with many toxic substances - there are many signs that may suggest you may need an internal healing. Let's take a look?
If you hear yourself always putting you down?
If you are noticing patterns in your life that leave you feeling unfulfilled, unhappy.
If you are abusing substances.
If you find it difficult to be with/without people.
If your friends/family are always angry with you. (There are lots of reasons for this - you must examine the causes).
If you are always angry with you or if you always feel angry at the world.
If you are second-guessing yourself a lot of the time.
If you are experiencing excessive self - blame and guilt.
If you are always tired.
If you are always tearful and sad; feeling hopeless and helpless much of the time.
If you always think that everything is everybody else's fault.
If you live in fear.
If you are struggling with any of this things - consider giving yourself the gift of new learning. Start with a self-help book about self-esteem (see HEARD ON MyNDTALK for recommendations); consider individual and/or group therapy. When you are creating your own inner pain ? the most important thing to remember (and initially the most difficult) is that you DO have choices; you DO NOT deserve the pain! While you may have learned many painful things about life as a child or even during recent adult experiences - you do have the right to work towards change if change is what you want.