"Making It Make Sense" (SM) with Dr. Pamela Brewer
SELF ESTEEM
By
Pamela Brewer, MSW, Ph.D., LCSW-C
Self-esteem can be one of those elusive things that you never quite see but know when it's missing. Or maybe you can see it. You can see healthy self-esteem in your own resilience. You can see self-esteem in your problem solving skills, your ability to take responsibility for your own behavior skills, your ability to set limits skills. Self-esteem is the stuff of which human joys and fears are made. With healthy self-esteem, you are able to get throughout your day and your life knowing that you are a deserving, worthwhile human being. You laugh at your mistakes, enjoy your successes, and accept your challenges. When things go "wrong" you are able to acknowledge the wrong, be angry if you must, but you are able to bounce back and know that like is worth living, that you mean to live it...and move ahead.
With positive self-esteem, you do not have the interest or energy to judge people based on their appearance, religion, gender, sexual lifestyles, relationship status, financial, educational or professional status. In fact with positive self-regard, you are only willing to assess people based on your personal interactions and information. With positive self-esteem, you understand that self-blame is a debilitating, negative mantle that once placed in your life can only serve to inhibit growth and rob you of your future.
Here are some things to do and think about as you continue to work on your self-esteem.
1. BE THE PERSON YOU ADMIRE.
2. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF / OTHERS.
3. BE TRUSTWORTHY WITH YOURSELF.
4. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN/ MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.
5. WHEN YOU GIVE YOUR WORD - KEEP IT. AND IF FOR SOME REASON YOU CAN NOT KEEP YOUR WORD, LET THE APPROPRIATE PEOPLE KNOW. COME UP WITH AN ALTERNATE PLAN IF NECESSARY.
6. IF YOU "FAIL" KNOW THAT YOU HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING. FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS AND HOW YOU CAN USE THE NEW LEARNING TO HELP YOU IN THE FUTURE.
7. IF YOU "SUCCEED" ENJOY YOURSELF! BE PROUD OF YOUR JOB WELL DONE!
8. YOU CAN CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF - JUST AS SOON AS YOU START CHANGING THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF!
9. YOU CAN BEGIN TO WORK ON YOUR SELF-ESTEEM BY READING SELF-HELP BOOKS, PARTICIPATING IN SELF-HELP GROUPS. (TAKE A LOOK AT THE "HEARD ON MyNDTALK" AND "RECOMMENDED BOOKS" PAGE ON THIS SITE AS YOU BEGIN YOUR SEARCH FOR SELF-HELP RESOURCES)
10. DON'T ASSUME THAT WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU HOW GREAT THEY ARE AND HOW ROTTEN YOU ARE - THAT THEY ARE CORRECT - OR THAT THEY HAVE POSITIVE SELF-ESTEEM.
11. BE HAPPY ABOUT WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU BRING TO THE UNIVERSE. YOU ARE UNIQUE. YOU ARE WONDERFUL - AND IT'S TIME YOU LET YOURSELF KNOW THAT!
12. THERE IS NO NEED TO TRY TO BULLY OTHERS INTO SHARING YOUR VIEW. JUST AS YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WITH THEM - ALLOW THEM TO DISAGREE WITH YOU! THE WORLD WOULD BE A DREARY PLACE IF EVERYONE THOUGHT AND SPOKE AND LOOKED AND DRESSED AND WALKED AND TALKED THE SAME!! AND CREATIVITY WOULD BE GONE.